Made to Crave Chapter 2!!! It’s not to late to sign up for Made to Crave through Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study, just click the link Melissa Taylor.
Another day begins. I wake up and as usual I vow to do better and not to procrastinate. Before I know it my “to-do” list weighs me down and I start giving in to the temptation to put it all off until another day. All this before I even put one foot on the ground. I realize I put off grocery shopping again. That means no good for you food, that means no healthy breakfast or lunch. That means I will grab what sugar filled item is close at hand and most likely skip lunch all together.So the cycle begins once again. I glance at the clock, it’s only 4:15 am. Already the excuses, the rationalizations, the promises for later have begun.
Lysa talks about how she craved and arranged her life around food. For me I think about, crave and arrange my day around time away from all responsibilities, time where I can do what I want to do, where no needs me or demands anything from me. I have been fighting this specific battle for 9 years. I know how it started but haven’t been able to break the cycle.
How did I get here? Nine years ago on 1/26/2003 (Superbowl Sunday – her favorite day of the whole year) my mom died very suddenly, she was 48 years old. I instantly felt like an orphan even though I was 31, married and had 2 children in middle school. I grieved so much that just waking up to another day without her was extremely difficult. But instead of fighting through the grief and trying to heal I shut down – I used my grief as an excuse to withdraw. And before I knew it one month turned into six months, 6 months turned into one year, one year turned into five years and five years turned into nine years.
When I read page 28, I KNEW God was telling me something. “…it was about this battle that raged in my heart. I knew it was something God was challenging me to surrender to His control. Really surrender. Surrender to the point where I’d make radical changes for the sake of my spiritual health perhaps even more than my physical health.” I do not think it is coincidental that all this is coming to me in January, I think God has had this planned for me for some time…..I just finally got sick of living my life avoiding life.
When I am stressed, overwhelmed, sad, tired, happy, etc. I turn to FB, texting and my escaping routine from the world. It’s only much later that I think about turning to God. My “alone time” is craved more than the effort required to fight the temptation. I have lived so long believing the temptations and cravings had more power over me than God. I chose the easy route instead of fighting through. Instead of believing the TRUTH that:
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!
So it’s time to be honest with myself, no more excuses, no more doing this on my own. So here finally I will take a deep look into my behaviors and my patterns. Why do my daily responsibilities drain me so much? Because I am a perfectionist! Yes, I said earlier I procrastinated a lot but that is because of my perfectionism. See if I can’t get a task done perfectly I put it off, until all my tasks pile up around me.
If I can’t clean the whole house and get it all done to my standards in a day, then I put it off. If I can’t get the whole house organized perfectly in one day, I put it off. If I don’t know what to cook for dinner, I put it off. See the pattern? It’s not wonder I am exhausted before I get out of bed.
So what is my craving I need to replace? It’s not my tiredness or avoidance. It’s replacing my perfectionism with God. See the tiredness, avoidance tendencies and such aren’t separate issues, they are the same satan just found another weakness in my “castle.” When my mom died I went from perfectionism to the opposite end. I went from all to nothing.
So I give this area, every bit of it to the LORD. I will use the temptation of perfectionism as a prompt for prayer, when I feel tired or overwhelmed I will ask the LORD to show me where I am being open to an attack. When I first wake up in the morning I will thank God for the day. Then I will ask Him where He wants my focus to be. When I begin to get the feeling of perfectionism I will pray that I do my best for God and remember my best isn’t measured by perfection ~ it’s measured by my heart’s willingness to seek Him and do His will!