Made to Crave ~ Chapter 2

Made to Crave Chapter 2!!!  It’s not to late to sign up for Made to Crave through Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study, just click the link Melissa Taylor.

Another day begins.  I wake up and as usual I vow to do better and not to procrastinate.  Before I know it my “to-do” list weighs me down and I start giving in to the temptation to put it all off until another day.  All this before I even put one foot on the ground.  I realize I put off grocery shopping again.  That means no good for you food, that means no healthy breakfast or lunch.  That means I will grab what sugar filled item is close at hand and most likely skip lunch all together.So the cycle begins once again.  I glance at the clock, it’s only 4:15 am.  Already the excuses, the rationalizations, the promises for later have begun.

Lysa talks about how she craved and arranged her life around food.  For me I think about, crave and arrange my day around time away from all responsibilities, time where I can do what I want to do, where no needs me or demands anything from me.  I have been fighting this specific battle for 9 years.  I know how it started but haven’t been able to break the cycle.

How did I get here?  Nine years ago on 1/26/2003 (Superbowl Sunday – her favorite day of the whole year) my mom died very suddenly, she was 48 years old.  I instantly felt like an orphan even though I was 31, married and had 2 children in middle school.  I grieved so much that just waking up to another day without her was extremely difficult.  But instead of fighting through the grief and trying to heal I shut down – I used my grief as an excuse to withdraw.  And before I knew it one month turned into six months, 6 months turned into one year, one year turned into five years and five years turned into nine years.

When I read page 28, I KNEW God was telling me something.  “…it was about this battle that raged in my heart.  I knew it was something God was challenging me to surrender to His control.  Really surrender.  Surrender to the point where I’d make radical changes for the sake of my spiritual health perhaps even more than my physical health.”  I do not think it is coincidental that all this is coming to me in January, I think God has had this planned for me for some time…..I just finally got sick of living my life avoiding life.

When I am stressed, overwhelmed, sad, tired, happy, etc.  I turn to FB, texting and my escaping routine from the world.  It’s only much later that I think about turning to God.  My “alone time” is craved more than the effort required to fight the temptation.  I have lived so long believing the temptations and cravings had more power over me than God.  I chose the easy route instead of fighting through.  Instead of believing the TRUTH that:

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!

So it’s time to be honest with myself, no more excuses, no more doing this on my own.  So here finally I will take a deep look into my behaviors and my patterns.  Why do my daily responsibilities drain me so much?  Because I am a perfectionist!  Yes, I said earlier I procrastinated a lot but that is because of my perfectionism.  See if I can’t get a task done perfectly I put it off, until all my tasks pile up around me.

If I can’t clean the whole house and get it all done to my standards in a day, then I put it off.  If I can’t get the whole house organized perfectly in one day, I put it off.  If I don’t know what to cook for dinner, I put it off.  See the pattern?  It’s not wonder I am exhausted before I get out of bed.

So what is my craving I need to replace?  It’s not my tiredness or avoidance.  It’s replacing my perfectionism with God.  See the tiredness, avoidance tendencies and such aren’t separate issues, they are the same satan just found another weakness in my “castle.”  When my mom died I went from perfectionism to the opposite end.  I went from all to nothing.

So I give this area, every bit of it to the LORD.  I will use the temptation of perfectionism as a prompt for prayer, when I feel tired or overwhelmed I will ask the LORD to show me where I am being open to an attack. When I first wake up in the morning I will thank God for the day.  Then I will ask Him where He wants my focus to be.  When I begin to get the feeling of perfectionism I will pray that I do my best for God and remember my best isn’t measured by perfection ~ it’s measured by my heart’s willingness to seek Him and do His will!

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12 thoughts on “Made to Crave ~ Chapter 2

  1. Wow…I feel as though I could have written a large part of what you have shared. Please know that you are a comfort and a blessing to many simply for sharing this. While I did not lose a mother, I lost a baby and my two much loved and cherished grandparents within two and a half years and my best friend of 20 years basically gave up on me when I couldn’t pull myself out of the depression and fog I found myself blanketed under. Food was always there no matter what! Your words penetrated my own walls and I thank you for sharing such sincere, heartfelt relfections. Blessings to you.

  2. I think we all have our “perfectionism” – whatever that is. Maybe procrastination, maybe avoidance, whatever. I think your paragraph on that is perfection for whatever our “perfectionism” is. Mine is diving into whatever project I’m currently doing. It doesn’t have to be “perfect”, but I drive forward until it’s done, almost avoiding everything else.

  3. this sounds like me when my dad passed away 12 years ago! even the perfectionism. it’s been all or nothing if I can’t do it the right way then I won’t do it at all! I feel like a very stubborn 2 yr old! with God’s guidence I am getting better and with this M2C I am thinking it will be an eye opening experice. Thank you for being so open about your life. There’s no telling how many of us are out here, thinking we are the only one who has ever felt this way. Thank you for putting it into words and helping us not feel so alone.

  4. Thank you so much for your honesty! I am right there with you although I did not loose my mother but the way my family is unsupportive I do feel like I have lost them. I feel alone sometimes and I am always tired. I end up sleeping a TON! I want to get past this and move on to a better life for God. You have totally helped me. Blessing to you!

  5. Thank you for sharing this with us. There’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone and that if others can make it through, I know I have a shot at it as well ;)

  6. Thank you for being so open with us. You have no idea how much you blessed me and others by sharing all of this. I am struggling with getting past a very painful thing that was done to me last year by “family”. My pastor warned me that it would be difficult because I would have to continue dealing with these people due to my love for and desire to be a part of my grandson’s life. If not for this study and your posts yesterday and today, I would be eating like there was no tomorrow. Thank you again!!

  7. I am also trying to overcome the all or nothing mentality! Thank you for sharing your heart. May God get all the glory for us overcoming this issue:)

  8. Wow!! I have not lost a parent but I am certainly a perfectionist and related to much of what you shared and I hadn’t even realized I was doing that!! Thank you so much for sharing your story so God could use it to open me to some changes. MUAH!

  9. I love this post. I have done the same thing right down to the procrastination. I lost my brother at the age of 41 and nothing has been the same since. Thank you for sharing this struggle.

  10. Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you! We sure sound a lot alike. I lost both of my parents, so I definitely know the “orphan” feeling and I am such a perfectionist and thought I was looking in the mirror as I read your last two blog entries. Thank you so much for sharing – it makes me know that I am not alone in my struggles! God bless you!

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