Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 3

May 31, 2011

Day 3 Task: 

Read chapter 1 which, honestly, is hard to read.  Wendy tells the story of her rape. She doesn’t hold back, she shares this for what it was. And she shares her doubts and fears. She shares the ugliness and loss of  life as she knows it in her experience.  As you read, use your highlighter to highlight things that stick out in your mind or you may want to return to later.  Write a prayer for your sisters who are also in this study with you.   It sure will be encouraging to read all those prayers for each other!

My post after reading Chapter 1:

Just finished chapter 1, oh I can’t even describe what I am feeling now, my heart is pounding, I feel sick, I feel sad, angry and wanting to run away!!! But if Wendy can live through it and write about I can at least read it. Sometimes I think it’s good that I blocked out my childhood abuse only certain smells, touches and places bring it into detail. Interesting is I can’t remember much but all Wendy’s behavior I have had ally life: fear if dark, not ever being alone, never taking a shower if I was alone and the last paragraph of the chapter could have been wrote by me!!! I have had nightmares my whole life, waking up screaming but once I am awake I just remember the fear–I can’t recall the dream! I will be back with my prayer for my sisters in Christ I just need to take a break right now.

Melissa posted this for us ladies today: 

Two weeks ago in church, my pastor taught about 3 excuses we often give instead of trusting God and being obedient to Him. I’m not going to go into details about the whole message, but these excuses are the same ones I used for years instead of moving forward.

“I’m not worthy.”

“It’s too hard.”

“Not now.”

Some of you may be feeling this way about this study.  You think that hope and healing aren’t for you. Here’s what my pastor had to say about that:

  • “Holiness is not what God wants from me, it is what He wants for me.”  Worthiness not required. We don’t have it and God doesn’t need it.  It’s only because of Him in us that we can be called worthy in the first place.
  • “We go to the wrong sources to find fulfillment”   and when we get there we are still empty!  Sure it’s hard, but until we finally give into God, it’s never going to get easier or better.  We will be missing something.
  • “God doesn’t want to change you in the future, He wants to change you NOW.”  Like in today.

This community is here for you.  This community cannot save you, heal you, or fix your problems.  This community can encourage you, love you, support you, and pray for you.  As a part of this community, I ask you to take ownership of this Bible study.  Make friends, be real, and open your heart to God.  Monday, you were asked to write a prayer for yourself.  I hope you will make it a habit to prayer for yourself.  It’s important.  (Gotta put your oxygen mask on first before you can be of help to anyone else!)

Melissa’s Prayer for the study participants:

To My Loving Father,

I am overwhelmed and in awe of this group that you have brought together.  I celebrate the work You will do in their lives through the transforming power of Your Word.  Lord, for each and every person in this study, I pray:

*for hope to become real

*for her to believe that healing is possible for her

*for her to give You the control over her life

*that she know she is loved

*that she know she is valued

*that she open her heart, let You in

*that the walls of shame, fear, rejection, and unworthiness are broken down and remain down

*that she would turn to You for shelter and refuge and she will find You at every turn in her life

*that she feels Your love, acceptance, and sweet desire for her to have a full life

*that she finds her joy and will proceed through her life depending on You and living free.

In Jesus’ Sweet Precious Name, I pray, Amen.

My Notes:

I loved Melissa’s prayer for all of us, I cried as I read it all the way through!

Reading chapter one was very hard and several times I put it down and wanted to run far away. The only thing that got me through was thinking if Wendy can live through it and write about it I can at least read it but I so wanted to quit!!!!… I wrote more on the blog but I think after several years if no emotion, not even being able to cry I am very close to crying at any minute just thinking about what hell she endured and that for our benefit she relived to help us break free….thank you Wendy and Melissa ♥. No words can express accurately what I am feeling right now.
Through the day as I read kept reading the posts I just kept saying over and over…..how exactly alike we really were in our emotions, behaviors, fears and putting up walls so high not even the LORD could take them down until we were ready for Him to help us remove them. 

Sometimes I think it’s good that I blocked out my childhood abuse only certain smells, touches and places bring it into detail. Interesting is I can’t remember much but all Wendy’s behavior I have had ally life: fear if dark, not ever being alone, never taking a shower if I was alone and the last paragraph of the chapter could have been wrote by me!!! I have had nightmares my whole life, waking up screaming but once I am awake I just remember the fear–I can’t recall the dream!

My prayer for all of us:

Dear LORD, I pray for each and every one of us who are taking this journey together. I ask for healing ~ healing from fear, shame, anger, loneliness, isolation but mostly I pray that we are able to put our trust in You. I pray that the walls we have built up to keep ourselves from hurting again crumble and that Your love will guide us through. Little did we know when we built those walls so high we were not only keeping out pain but keeping out love, joy, life and mostly You! We need You to remove our walls and to infuse us with hope! So many of us frozen in fear right now even though in our minds we know that is the enemy keeping us from You, please gather us in Your arms so that we feel Your strength, comfort and love so that we may continue on this journey together. LORD bless each one of us, shower us in Your love, peace and mercy. Give us what we need to be able to lay our pains, fears and anxiety at Your cross. LORD be gentle with us, yet forceful enough that we gain strength as we go and that the demons in our past lose all power. I thank You LORD for Melissa and Wendy, for their answering Your call with a resounding “Yes” to guide us through our own nightmares and prisons. Glory be the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning, is now and shall ever be a world without end. Amen.

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