Today’s assignment was to read Chapter 6 ~ here are my thoughts on the chapter. Melissa Taylor Blog.
Pg 80 ~ Wendy writes: “I hated him and blamed him for everything wrong in my life.”
- I never realized until I read this but maybe this feeling is more what is wrong with my life than the event that caused it in the beginning. I too blame everything wrong in my life to the things that have hurt me the most.
Pg 80 ~ Wendy’s grandmother cautioned her that Wendy would never recover from her rape if she continued to harbo9r a lack of forgiveness in her heart.
- This sentence stopped me when I read it! I actually had to stop reading and come back to it later. Is this maybe the reason why I have an emptiness and loneliness inside? Is it b/c my heart is too full of hate and anger?
Pg 80/81 ~ Wendy’s grandmother shared verses from God’s Word about trails. She explained that God uses them to grow us in our faith and make us more like Him.
- This kind of statement keeps coming up throughout this study! Goes back to me just wanting my way and letting go of that, instead of getting off my mat and letting God do His work.
Pg 81 ~ “I was scared b/c I knew somewhere deep within me that my grandmother was right”
- I guess somewhere deep in me too I always knew it would boil down to me and my actions,t hat htere was never going to be a magic fix. The fix was going to have to come from within me! I think that’ swhy I have always had a problem with the forgiveness Scriptures and the writings that said it releases you not those who hurt you.
Pge 81 ~ “Each one (the Gospels) vividly portrays the tremendous humiliation and physical suffering Jesus endured at the hands of His enemies.” “The reality hit me that Jesus did this for me” “Jesus….suffered physical and emotional torment for my sins that was beyond human comprehension” “God poured out His wrath for me on His own Son.”
- When I read these sentences I felt such an emotional sadness within me. I feel like “why would God do that to Jesus ~ I am so not worth that much pain and suffering” I feel as if I am letting Jesus down by my life because He did something I can’t even imagine and yet I let a little suffering and abuse control my whole life. I know those Truths should make me feel loved and valued but they don’t ~ they make me feel sad and an emotion I can’t even name!
Pg 82 ~ Wendy writes: “The question before me was this: If Jesus died to forgive my sins, if He asked His Father to forgive the men who nailed Him to the Cross, what right did I have to withhold forgiveness from anyone, including the man who raped me?” I debated with God. Jesus is Jesus. He is Holy. He is Perfect. He is God. I am not!
- I have had that same debate with God. My side is of course Jesus forgave ~ He was able to love the sinner and keep the sin out of the picture….I can’t! I also can’t walk on water. It never got me anywhere. Hmmm …. maybe this is why my abuse comes up in every area of my life. Because as long as there is unforgiveness it’s never at rest. God brings it to mind in ways that grab my attention so that I can learn to forgive.
Pg 83 ~ “….the blood of Jesus is like the tide; it washes over our sins and covers them equally. No sin is greater than another.”
- Hmmm, just as I can hurt someone just as much with a careless word ~ it hurts them just as much as my abuse hurt me. Forgiveness from Jesus takes them both.
Pg 83 ~ “I grew up believing that some sins are worse than others….Grace gives what a person does not deserve.”
- Just as I don’t deserve forgiveness (grace) for some of my actions ~ hurting those I love, careless words and/or actions. Jesus extends His forgiveness.
This is quite lengthy, look for part 2 at a later time.