continued journaling from Chapter 6:
Pg 88 ~ “I remained focused on me and on everything he had stolen from me: my dignity, my security, my confidence, my trust, my joy and my peace”
- This is how I am even after reading something inspiring and determined to move forward I then remain focused on me!!
Pg 88 ~ “With Satan what starts as a simple sin will multiply and magnify in its intensity until it infects every relationship in a persons life, like cancer that starts in one organ and then spreads to invade every other organ. God, My Protector & Defender did not want that for me. He orchestrated circumstances in such a way that forced me to choose HIM. The circumstances were devastating but necessary to reach into the very depths of my unforgiving heart.”
Pg 89 ~ “If I refused to forgive, I would never receive the full and complete healing God had in store for me.”
Pg 89 ~ Wendy writes: “I forgave my attacker not only for everything he did to me, but also for everything he had stolen from me. In that moment God lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. A precious peace fell upon me.”
- I want that. I want that peace to be part of me and my life. Why do I immediately thing “that’s awesome for Wendy but I want to be given that peace. I won’t be able to instantly gain that peace by forgiving those I need to forgive. I don’t hate him but I am very very angry.”
Pg 90 ~ “My friend, has this lesson brought a name to your mind? Is there someone you need to forgive?”
- I think why I may feel as I do in the above entry is because I have many people I have to forgive. I have so much hurt that I have just buried saying “that’s life, no use crying about it but it hurts still” ~ not just from my abuser, but other people in my life. The sad thing is the answer to this question is there are a lot of names that come to mind and my abuser isn’t the main one. What does that say? I have to forgive people who had nothing to do with my abuse but have abused me emotionally at times: my parents, my sister, my MIL and FIL, and myself. I guess I need to forgive God and all the doctors who didn’t believe me about my son when he was little and things could have been changed for the better of his life. Why is it though the most hurt I have I am finding is not from the abuse or I don’t think it is but I know that the abuse is one of the major problems in my life b/c of my marriage and how I react to intimacy.