A Confident Heart ~ Week 2, Day 4

Today’s Assignment (Thursday 9/29/11):  Answer questions 5-7, Visit Melissa’s blog and conference call #1 will be held today 🙂

5.  Has anything ever happened that caused you to distance yourself from God or other people?  How does it make you feel to know Jesus understands, and He is still there with you in every moment of every day?  When do you need HIs assurance and presence most?

My whole life I have distanced myself from other people – I never felt like I fit in anywhere.  I really didn’t think all that much about God, He was left in Church I never really knew that God should be a part of your everyday life.  There have been many “things” that caused me to distance myself.  I have distanced myself from some of my family members right now, it hurts not to have them in my life but it hurt to have them in my life too.

It reassures me to know that Jesus is with me everyday and every moment.  I know that regardless of what is happening He has His hand on me and even though I may hurt and have a heavy heart, I know I will be okay.

I need His assurance and presence the most when I feel lonely, unwanted and insecure, when the demands and pressures get to be too much and when I start to seek the approval of others.

6.  Reread Sam’s story in John 4, asking Jesus to meet you there and show you things in your heart that need His repair.  Is there part of my story or Sam’s story that you relate to most?

Jesus met Sam in one of the loneliest parts of her day.  Jesus met me there too several times ~ this is about the first time.  I remember it clearly, well maybe not so very clear but..I remember when I grabbed a hold and held on.  January 26, 2003.  It’s a day I will never forget.  It’s a day that haunts me and it’s a day that Jesus met me in my pain.

Superbowl Sunday ~ my mom’s favorite day of the year!  Seriously she thought it should be a national holiday, much to her dismay I hated football and never could understand it.  What was so great about a game that should last 1 hour but goes for 4 to 5 hours?

Anyhow, by this date my mom and I were barely speaking.  A couple of years before we flew to CA for Thanksgiving and one night I did the unthinkable, I stood up to my mom.  She had been drinking heavily (yes, both parents are alcoholics) and started yelling and screaming in the living room where my kids were.  I always swore I would NEVER have my kids wake up to drunken yelling and fighting EVER.  I asked her to calm down and maybe go to bed.   Let’s say it didn’t end well and I packed up my family at 2:00 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning.

On September 11, 2001 I decided I needed to be with my family, so we left MO for CA on September 12th.  Not only did I need to be with my family but my kids missed their meemaw and poppa, especially my daughter.  My mom and her had a special bond as my daughter was the only girl on both sides of the family.  It started good and I have a picture I will always cherish from that time.  It didn’t end well, we left 2 days early.  We tried to patched it up but the drinking was more important. It came down to only talking on special occasions.  Christmas Day 2002, our talk didn’t go so great, she got mad and hung up on me, that was the first time EVER we didn’t say I love you when hanging up (yes, lots more of a story there).

January 26, 2003 Superbowl Sunday ~ Oakland Raiders vs. Tampa Bay.  My mom was  huge raiders fan.  Half time – phone rang and I figured it was my mom to talk to my husband (he always picked the other team).  I told him, “I don’t want to talk, she will be drunk).  He answered the phone and immediately hung up.  He said to me “come here” and took me to a spare bedroom.  I just knew, I absolutely knew my dad had died and we had just repaired our relationship, I was devastated.

He looked at me and said “your mom died” I can still remember everything about that moment that was the moment I became an orphan and my heart finally broke in two.  I remember calling my dad and telling him and saying “I always thought it would end like this with you and me, never with mom”

I remember driving to CA and being on the road in the middle of the night and thinking:  my mom’s first night not on this earth, the first night she doesn’t get into her pjs and crawl into bed, the first night that I can’t make amends.  My mom was 49 years old.

On January 26, 2003 ~ Superbowl Sunday ~ my mom’s favorite day, that’s the day I began my journey with Jesus.


2 thoughts on “A Confident Heart ~ Week 2, Day 4

  1. Veronica,
    That is very powerful testimony! I can relate but its was with my dads father. He wasn’t an alcoholic but he was very mean and rude. He did somethings throughout not only my dads childhood but mine as well that made me lose all respect for my grandpa. Last time I saw my grandpa was in April of 2005 at my brothers wedding, he passed away September 7, 2011 and I didn’t get to repair our relationship either. The whole time he was in the hospital I did pray for him and I did call the hospital to check on him. I still do not have one nice thing to say about but I do love and miss him.

  2. Because of the guilt of my past, I often feel that I don’t belong. I’m sad about this and I cry on the inside all the time. I feel like an out cast. It seems that I’m an uninteresting person and no one wants to be around me. I often find myself by myself. I’m crying as I write this, it’s very painful. I’m a hard person to get along with and it’s due to my past. I crave to be what God created me to be and what Christ says I am, but my mind hasn’t got there yet. How do I let it go and be the wife, mother, daughter, friend, co-worker and etc… that I need to be? My past weighs me down and I need Jesus’ reassurance daily. I know He’s going to do His part, but He also work through people; I need someone to guide me just as Jesus did Sam. Pray for me please?

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