A Confident Heart ~ Week 3, Day 1

Visit Melissa’s blog today and post a comment.  I read Chapter 3 this weekend while on retreat, it was a very good Chapter.  I related to many things Renee talked about.  I will post some (not all) of the things that stood out to me:

Page 51:  “You’ve been trying to earn your value in everything you’ve done.  But you will never find the love you long for in anyone or anything but Me.  I AM the unconditional love you are looking for.”

That statement gave me chills and brought me to tears because it sums up my life.

Page 51:  I had no concept of love without conditions.  It was all I had ever known.

My whole life was filled with conditional love.  Looking back I can see how my mom (who was very miserable and empty) looked to us kids as a way to fill her up and when we couldn’t she reacted to the pain.  She shut us out and gave us the silent treatment – essentially she put up another wall to hide her pain – to me the silent treatment was the worst thing ever, even worse than the yelling.  I felt like she couldn’t even stand to be bothered with me.  But know I see that somehow during a day, week or month I didn’t live up to something she NEEDED even though I didn’t know I failed b/c I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, so to save her from more pain she shut down and pulled away. 

I can even see where I have done the same thing with the people I love and require to fill me up. They don’t even know it’s the job I assigned them and they aren’t sure why I am upset at them. 

Page 51:  The thought of God valuing me so much that His love would never fail – even if I failed Him – was inconceivable, yet something deep in my soul told me it was true.

It’s sometimes still hard for me to grasp but I remind myself how much I love my son and daughter and NOTHING could take my love away from them, absolutely nothing.  I may not like their decisions, actions, behavior, friends, etc. but I could not ever stop loving them.  How much greater does God love us?

Page 52:  Searching for significance and trying to fill an empty place in my heart with people, places and things.  I had been trying to earn my parents’ approval because I lived for their affirmation.

I have lived for anyone’s affirmation but I never believed them even when they gave it to me. 

Page 52:  Those who struggle with insecurity and find ourselves int he shadow of doubt often get there b/c we are seeking validation in people’s opinions, our worth in accomplishments and our identity in excessive committments….we either get tired and quit trying or we push ourselves to the point of burnout b/c we don’t know how to set boundaries.

Oh how this is me!  I can see how I got here too. When I couldn’t be filled up anymore by the people in my life I tried to seek my validation and worth in what I could do for them.  Perfect wife, mother, sister, employee, friend, etc. only to feel more ignored when my efforts werent’ recognized like I felt they should be.  And when I tried to express my frustrations and hurt I was told “you are too sensitive.” 

So I have quit trying to please other people.  I have quite thinking that my responsibilities are of any importance.  I have perfected the art of procrastinating – see how good I am at perfectionism.  And in the process I have hated who I once was and who I came to be. 

I no longer hate myself but I am not fully healed from the doubts, lies and insecurities.  And I haven’t yet found the middle road between perfection and procrastination. 

Page 55:  Jesus helped Sam see that no person or position, such as being someone’s wife, could fill the empty places in her heart. Just like He has done with me and just like He wants to do with you, He showed Same what she was looking for and where she could find it.  Same was looking for love that wouldn’t fail, even when she did, and that day she found it in Christ.

Each time I have finally received the “thing, person or position” in my life that I thought was my heart’s desire, I still felt doubtful and unsecure.  I didn’t magically instantly become confident and it’s because I was looking to outward “things” to make me secure and valued. Things will never fulfill us or make us secure….only Jesus can do that.

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!  People take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.  ~ Psalm 36:7 

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7 thoughts on “A Confident Heart ~ Week 3, Day 1

  1. What I have done for love, acceptance, significance and etc… is too embarassing and I’m so ashamed of myself for it. The guilt that I carry get so overwhelming at times. I have put preeminence in so many things that I felt could satisfy me. I don’t know how can I get it in my heart that I am NOT worth-less. I owe it all to God and I thank Him that I’m not what I used to be, but I carry the guilt of what I used to be and do. I too have knowledge of God’s love, but it hasn’t reached my heart yet. Love with conditions is all I’ve ever known.

    • Sharon, once you have asked forgiveness you no longer need to be ashamed or carry around the guilt of what your life was before. That is in the past, God is doing a new thing in your life!!!! He never condemns you and you shouldn’t do so either!!!! Move forward, you are His creation, His daughter and His princess!!!!

      • I know that in my head, but not in my heart. I am a different person than the person from my past, but people still say, “I remember when,” and my defense is, “if God can forgive me then who are you to hold it against me?” I want my heart to match my head. Show me how. I can’t seem to forgive myself or move forward. It’s hindering my progress in every area of my life. I don’t feel worthy on my job, I feel that I’m overlooked and not good enought. People sometimes treat me like a doormat. I was treated like a doormat in grade school, middleschool, highschool, in my past. What is it about me that says I need to be treated like that, or I don’t deserve better. I’m not the best wife, mother, daughter and it’s because of all of this junk that I’m carrying from my past. And how can I love someone, when I don’t know how to love myself? (deep sigh) Help me!

      • Sharon Hun, I have had that same thing in my life for so long and one thing I would say is you will stop being treated like a doormats when you stop believing that’s what you deserve. When you believe you deserve respect and start treating yourself kindly.

        Sharon, please email me at crzyreader@ymail.com so we can talk more

      • Hi Sharon! I know how it feels to be in your place of guilt and wanting your heart to match your head. You haven’t forgiven yourself and until you do it won’t happen. Part of doing that…the biggest part is making a decision to do it. A choice to let it go. A choice to love yourself and let God love you. Once you lay it at His feet…love will melt into your life. You will be new and having the knowledge that God accepts you and loves you…will allow you to love yourself a little more.There won’t be a “miracle” moment that we all hear about. It will be a gradual process that God and His timing will allow you those “aha” moments where you will grow in His love for you and your love for yourself. And whats even nicer is…you will find that all that other acceptance won’t matter so much. No matter your circumstances…you ARE worthy! Once you feel that…you WILL project that and others will see it. You are a strong woman…you have made it this far…you have to be! Now…let that same strength guide you in this path that feels so uncertain. I promise it will be worth it and whats better is He promises too! Love you lady! ❤ Lisa

  2. Thanks everybody. One thing I need is someone to talk to and to express what I’m feeling. I haven’t found anyone because I come from a small town where everybody either knows you or knows your family and I just can’t talk to anyone in my area or associated with the area, because they know my past. I’ve been holding on to guilt, resentment, shame, and other negative emotions for over 20 years. I need to release! I’m ready! All I ask is to please be for me and with me. Thanks again for your spiritual guidance. I love you guys.

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