Beginning My “Want To” Journey…

Made to Crave ~ Finding Your “Want To”

Official start to the Made to Crave journey begins today ~ January 15, 2012.  For more information, click here to be directed to Melissa Taylor’s website.

As I was reading this chapter I have to admit I don’t know what it’s like to struggle with weight issues.  Unless my thyroid is acting up my weight is pretty consistent at 110-120.  For most of my life, until my thyroid issues 7 years ago, I wore a size 4 or 6.  When my thyroid acts up I can start the month wearing a size 4 and end the month wearing a size 12, but I also know adjusting my meds will bring the weight off.

So why am I doing this study?  Because even though my weight doesn’t reflect it (thanks to the genes I inherited from my dad) I am very unhealthy.  My lack of energy, lack of stamina, lack of strength and lack of muscles to move even the lightest piece of furniture, carry more than one bag of groceries at a time or to be able to walk around the block, those remind me often.

Because I hate to eat!!!  I find eating a waste of time when I can be doing other things.  I hate deciding what to eat, the preparation and the clean for the 5-10 minutes of eating.  Except for my downfall – sweets!!!  They are quick, easy and readily available.  My home cookbook has 4-5 entree recipes and the then the rest is filled with every cake, pie and cookie recipe I can find.

I wake up daily and my first thought is “ugh – another day of answering what’s for dinner?”  I dread it, I hate it and wish I had a handy dandy contraption like on the Jetson’s – push a button and a full meal in seconds. If I ever won the lottery I would hire a personal chef.

Recently I went to the dr. thinking my thyroid was off again because I was experiencing extreme tiredness, headaches, lack of concentration and no desire to get out of bed.  Because of my health issues I keep a daily log of my food intake. My dr. reviewed this and told me “you are not eating enough to sustain life.  Your body is shutting down – you need to start eating more.”  Most days showed I was eating only 800 calories if I was lucky.  Thyroid test came back perfect!  I need to change my eating habits before I do serious damage to my body or worse.

Things I know that contribute to my hatred about food:

  • My mom struggled with her weight constantly – she weighed everything she ate all the time.
  • My mom did not like sweets so only on rare occasions did we eat.  Cereal was corn flakes or kix.  Pancakes and waffles were topped with fruit not syrup.  Ice cream was sherbet only.  Snacks consisted of a piece of fruit, raw veggies or a salad.
  • The only time we had sweets were on our birthdays we got one piece of cake.  On Thanksgiving we got one piece of mince meat pie (what the heck is mince meat pie anyway?)
  • From the age of 17 until 33 I have had over 25 surgeries (lost count after 25).  The most scariest and devastating one happened 10 years ago.  Due to lots of testing, poking and prodding I thought I was going in for a routine gallbladder surgery.  What I heard instead was “yes, your gallbladder needs removed and immediately but….” I also heard “… will most likely need a liver transplant as well”  Very long story but thanks to God I made it through surgery and although my liver isn’t perfect I have not needed a transplant.  How does this relate to my food issues?  Because the foods I grew up on and were my easy go to food:  fresh or steamed veggies, fruits and salads are no longer tolerated.  In order to eat a meal now I have to take into consideration so many things and I have to start planning to eat BEFORE I am hungry.  Do you know how hard that is when I hate to eat????
  • Eating can cause me lots of pain for days at a time.

As I finished the introduction chapter though I knew this journey isn’t going to be just about eating and struggling with food.  It’s about any struggle that:

  • Keeps you in the cycle of making excuses, giving in, feeling guilty, resolving to do better, mentally beating yourself up, feeling like a failure and then believing nothing can change (page 13-14)
  • Causes you to make excuses instead of change
  • That leaves you unsatisfied, lacking, incomplete, hollow, shallow and asking what do I still lack? (pg 14)
  • Deciding that no matter what struggle you are facing today that you are tired of settling and tired of compromising
  • Deciding to break free from all the guilt, all the destruction and all the defeat (page 18)

What’s your struggle?  Mine is food and procrastination!!  Will you join me to break the cycle, to gain freedom and to gain control over your cravings?

If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.  ~Mark 8:34

I am looking forward to this journey spiritually, physically and mentally to allow God’s glory to shine through me and crave HIM above all else.

If you would like to join in the journey of the online Bible study of Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst – beginning on January 16, 2012 go to Melissa Taylor’s Blog  to sign up and for more information.  Look forward to you joining us!


8 thoughts on “Beginning My “Want To” Journey…

  1. Ok lady you had me searching my calendar and Melissa’s web page thinking she decided to start early! shew. She didn’t so I’m good. I have the book and my journal all ready, and I am ready to crave more then food this year. I most likely will be blogging about it as you will.

  2. Wow. Veronica. This post seemed to echo into my soul. I’m looking forward to this study and sharing it with you as well. It seems we have all dealt with health issues. I’ve been struggling with the autoimmune form of thyroid disease and it’s hard to convince the doctors that the symptoms are more important than my TSH value because it fluctuates daily. Likewise, you hit the nail on the head when it comes to eating poorly and dreading the question-“What’s for dinner?” Thank you so much for your personal account and for summarizing the value of this study. I will definitely be sharing this with others!!!

  3. Hey Veronica! I am looking forward to joining Melissa, you and others on this journey as well. While I don’t have the same issues with food that you do, I do have them. I grew up with a grandmother who even when I weighed 105 pounds used to tell me how fat I was. i developed an eating disorder that it took me almost twenty years to overcome. I also love to cook and enjoy the process, so I have to be careful there as well. I only have about ten pounds to lose, but my issue is allowing my husband’s lack of drive to provide me with excuses for not exercising, eating right and being aware of my actions. That is what I am looking to overcome.

    I can’t wait to get started! 2012 is going to be my best year yet!!!

  4. Hey Veronica,
    I will also be doing this study. Although my weight issues are different in some ways I also am searching for a way to maintain a healthy eating pattern. I suffered from two different eating disorders as a young teen with no desire to eat anything. This problem almost took my life back then and now it seems to be that I have a desire to eat everything. I have been on both sides and neither is healthy. I am excited to learn a new way of looking at food and the bodies we put it in. My goal is to get back in balance with my weight and look for healthier ways to manage stressors that tend to guide me in the wrong direction. Thank you so much for this post!!

  5. I am going to be 50 in March. I am about 20 pounds over weight for my small size/frame. I hate feeling like this. I can’t seem to grab healthy foods when I am looking for a snack so I want to get over the guilt and learn how to eat right and care about myself enough to want to feel better. Exercise is my huge challenge, bad knees and lack of desire to do it first thing in the a.m. I don’t want to shower twice in a day, so I have to figure this out too! Thank you for being so honest about your challenges. A whole new perspective for me as I see your side of the struggle. It is not always about losing weight, it is about being healthy and a happy. That is my ultimate goal. Keep on blogging for us!

  6. Hi Veronica,
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am so ready to start the Made to Crave study. Struggling for years and now suffering the affects of over indulgence, well let’s just say it’s time. What really caught my attention in your post was the mention of having your gallbladder out and having a liver issue. For the past several months, I’ve had pain where my liver is and so far they’ve only found a fatty liver which can be treated with diet and exercise. Just the kick in the pants I need! However, much like you said I have to be very careful what I eat (chicken is getting kind of boring!). If I have too much fat, and I mean really just a little bit, I have pain in my side. Still working through what this is. Hoping to get into this study and stay true to a focus on a healthy lifestyle as I work through what is causing this pain.

  7. Veronica… I too am excited to be joining the “Made to Crave” study. I appreciate hearing your story because my circumstances are very different. Over eating and lack of exercise are my main concerns. Even though I know I need to change, so far no diet plans have worked – maybe for a short time, but then it is right back to my bad habits. I pray that God will change the desires of my heart during the next 6 weeks, because I truly want to be all that He has created me to be. Listening to your post, I realize we may all be hear for slightly different reasons, but the pain and suffering we are going through are the same. I plan to blog about my journey also, and look forward to reading what other people write about the study. Sharing and encouraging each other are what it’s all about. Thanks again for being so transparent!

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