Tag Archive | Confidence

Unglued…..Oh and A Giveaway!

Mark your calendars!

September 23, 2012 – that’s the day that the Melissa Taylor Online Bible Study of Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst begins!!! ; I know, I can’t wait either, it’s going to be soooo good!

For six weeks with Melissa Taylor, her Online Bible Studies Team and thousands of our closest girlfriends we will gather on Melissa’s blog to learn how to process our emotions and resolve conflicts that lead to a much more peaceful life. ; We will also learn how to:

  • Know with confidence how to resolve conflict in your important relationships.
  • Identify what type of reactor you are and how to significantly improve your communication.
  • Respond with no regrets by managing your tendencies to stuff, explode, or react somewhere in between.
  • Gain a deep sense of calm by responding to situations out of your control without acting out of control

I don’t know about you but I can use that in my work and home life! ; Read the first two chapters here for FREE!

Do you know what my most favorite part of the studies are? ; The conference calls! ; The calls are better than ever before, you don’t want to miss out on these:

  • Part 1 Unglued Conference Calls: ; Beginning on August 20th, just seven days away, there will be four pre-study conference calls to get us prepared for the study! For $14.00 you get four calls live and the download! But wait, that’s not all (yep, just like the TV infomercials)
  • Part 2 Unglued Conference Calls: ; Beginning on September 24th, the first of six conference calls will begin. ; Again, these calls are live and include a download that you get to keep! ; But wait, if you act now…..

Order both Part 1 and Part 2 now and get them both for $24.99 ~ the best value ever!!!! ; If you want to know who will be the guests on the conference calls, click here.

GIVEAWAY

Some lucky person will win a copy of Lysa TerKeurst’s new book Unglued along with the Unglued Participant’s Guide I will also select a winner for a complete conference call series – Part 1 & 2. Two winners and all you have to do is to be entered is follow the steps below:

  1. Leave a comment below.
  2. Visit Melissa Taylor and register for our next study starting September 23rd.
  3. Get MORE entries by sharing this blog post on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. {One extra entry for each}. Leave a comment below letting me know where you sharing.

UPDATE:  Winner will be announced at 6:00 am on Tuesday, August 14th.  Check back then!

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You can connect with Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Studies by visiting us on…

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To my wonderful guests, my Facebook Page has reached 100 Likes! Which means someone won the conference call series and our winner is Kendra Anderson Keller!! The next prize is at 200 Likes and you can help get us there by clicking the Like button at the right of your screen. Remember, the more you share my new Facebook Page, the faster I get to give away prizes!

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Made to Crave ~ Chapter 5

Although today Melissa’s website is talking about chapter 6, I took a little bit longer on chapter 5.

How many times have I went through the honeymoon phase and believe “this time I will succeed, this time is different?” Too many times to count and something always throws me off.  So why will this time be different, because this time I am not doing it for the compliments, I am not doing it to feel better about myself through MY actions and I am not doing it to stand out and say look at what I HAVE accomplished.  Instead I am growing closer to God, relying on Him to be my everything and that’s why this time WILL be different.  I am not beginning another cycle – I am putting a stop to the cycle once and for all, letting God be my everything.

Every year of since I was 5 years old on Ash Wednesday through Holy Saturday I gave up something that means the world to me.  For those six weeks although I may miss my “forbidden” item I am able to give it up.  Why?  Because I knew there was a higher purpose, a sacrifice to show my dependence on God.  This is no different, it’s just a lifetime change instead of 6 weeks during Lent.

Looking back on all the “things” I have given up through the years tells me I have been practicing for this journey.  I have given up at one time or another:

  • Sweets
  • Soda
  • Shopping
  • Snacking in between meals
  • Reading
  • Distractions:  computer, games, facebook, etc.

During Lent I also add something to my daily life that brings me closer to God:

  • Spending more time in prayer
  • Time with family
  • Giving more of my time and talents

Each time during Lent when the cravings for the forbidden item would come up I would offer a prayer “I am offering my wants up to You, Lord, I am lovingly sacrificing my wants to walk with You in a deeper way.”

Why I never put tow and two together before beats me but now that I realize I have been practicing for this moment in time gives me confidence. I am made for more, my God is bigger than any craving.

“I am offering my wants up to You, Lord!”

My Offerings

Dear Jesus,

Thank You so very much for using my words yesterday to touch so many ladies. I am humbled at the thought that I would be able to reach anyone and make a difference.  Then I realize it’s not me, it’s all about You working through me and wow does that bring a smile to me. 

All my life all I wanted to do was help people and ease their hurting even for a short time but I never felt like I had much to offer anyone.  People would ask me “what would you do if you even won the lottery?”  I respond “I need to play the lottery first in order to win” but then I smile and say “I would have a blast giving all the money away to those who need it” Funny thing is no one ever doubts that I would do so.  When family or friends describe me they use words as: caring, giving, ready to help anyone and everyone.

So why do I feel like I have nothing to offer?  Why do I doubt my own abilities?  I finally know the answer to that and it came in the form of waking up with a horrible migraine and slowing me down.  All week-long I have been so focused on getting my house de-cluttered, decorated and arranged in a perfect way that I have been driving myself to exhaustion.  In other words I have been Martha all week-long ~ trying to do everything on MY strength.  Today the migraine slowed me down to be Mary sitting at Your feet and listening to You.

The other thing You brought to me this morning:  all those beautiful ladies and their comments expressing how much my post yesterday touched them.  And it dawned on me – without FB I would never have “met” these lovely ladies, I wouldn’t have struggled through the feelings I was having, I wouldn’t have felt that FB was draining me and maybe it was time to give it up completely, I wouldn’t have felt lonely or sad and I wouldn’t have written a blog post that touched them.  and at that moment I felt peace and I knew You were showing me something important.

I had been so focused on the bad feelings I was having about FB that I was missing the message You were trying to lay upon my heart.  I finally got it though after seeing the comments and reading my private messages.

You were trying to teach me that I need to set boundaries for myself and learn to have self-control.  Not to turn to FB when I feel lonely, sad or invisible but to turn to You at those times.  Instead I felt lonely, sad and invisible so my solution was to give up FB completely.  You showed me though that all I was doing was avoiding a situation I didn’t like.  That instead of looking for the deeper issue I was running away and throwing out the good in order to get rid of the bad. that stopped me and made me think.

Yep, that’s my old pattern of perfectionism “I want it my way and if it makes me feel bad or feel too much I want to avoid it at all costs.”  Then came a thought that humbled me and brought tears to my eyes You ARE using me in an awesome way, I do have something to offer and instead of thinking there will be smooth sailing and no bumps in the road while serving You I need to turn to You through the bumps ~ that’s when I will grow closer and more intimately in You!  Which brought me to this Scripture:

Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our LORD Jesus Christ. Through him we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in our hope of sharing the glory of God.  More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.  ~ Romans 5:1-5

My study Bible notes for the above Scripture: 

The justified are endowed with virtues.  By FAITH they live in peace with God and have access to His grace; in HOPE they long for the glory of God that awaits them; and through LOVE they show that the charity of the Spirit dwells in their hearts.  Equipped in this way, believers can become more like Christ through endurance and suffering.

You LORD didn’t run away from the Cross and Your death because You lived out Your Father’s will for the good of us sinners.  And although FB can’t compare to Your death I was running away from the good just as much as the bad.  Thank You for getting my attention and for all You have whispered to my heart and soul.  Once again I am in awe of Your love for me and that I do have much to offer to You and therefore, I should never compare my offerings to what other people have to offer. 

I am not less ~ I am just me as You made me to be, wonderfully and fearfully made in Your image.  I feel so full and complete right now, I wish I could bottle this feeling up for later.  In the words of Your mother Mary:

Behold, I am the handmaid of the LORD; let it be done to me according to your will.

I desire to fulfill Your will in my life.

A Confident Heart ~ Week 8

I sure haven’t been keeping up with my posts for this study.  Too much going on and too little time during the day.  You can find out more about the study at Melissa Taylor’s blog.

Today was to answer questions 1-3 for Chapter 8. 

  1. In what areas do you tend to compare yourself with others and feel like you dont’ measure up?  What did you read in this chapter that can help you break free from the comparison trap?
    1. I compare myself in my roles as a wife, mother and homekeeper.  Also in my physical appearance and talents.
    2. One of the things I found interesting was that the trap leads to constant burnout – I suffer from burnout so much and never realized why.  Also page 137 ~ 1 Corinthians 12:18-20 and page 139 “god deliberately gave you the personality He wanted you to have so He could impact certain people through your life.”  So who am I to tell God He is wrong. 
  2. What personality type describes you best?  Is there a second personality type that is also strong?  Are you content with the personality God gave you?  If not, what do you wish was different about yourself?
    1. My main personality is Phlegmatic: Peace and my second is Melancholy: Perfection.  However I believe my personality type is from my life events and the need to feel safe.  At different times in my life I have had other traits from the other types.
    2. The only thing I wish was different about my personality is I wish I could interact and be comfortable with more people – especially in social situations.
  3. “Just as a target is designed to narrow the aim of an arrow, God uses the desires of our hearts to narrow the focus of where He wants our lives to make a mark for eternity” (page 144).  Do you believe God created you with unique desires and dreams?  If you know what they are, list them.
    1. I don’t believe that my dreams are unique.  Many people have the same desires and dreams.  But yes I believe they are from God.
    2. I sadly have had my desires and dreams fade away over my lifetime and I am not sure now what my desires and dreams are.  I have many interest but not sure if those are areas God want me to focus on.

 

Good Enough…..

Today has been a mixture of emotions all day long.  First I slept maybe one hour last night so I am exhausted and on edge already and then the devil tries to get my focus on other things instead of God.  I started having some feelings jealousy rise, feelings of not being able to say the right things and not feeling important and good enough. 

The one thing that I kept thinking about today was how rejection defined me my whole life.  I started to feel that on and off all day today but I never let it get far and I kept remembering how the LORD spoke to me several years ago when I was in despair. I cried out in a lost and broken heart at a time of being rejected once again by someone close to me “just once, once in my life I want to matter so much to someone, that they stand up and fight for me – just once can’t I be loved that much?” and clear as if He was in the room with me, my LORD spoke and said…..

“Veronica I do and I did” 

What else is there to say to that?  He does and He did ~ then, now and forever!  I will hold tight to that.

A Confident Heart ~ Chapter 6

Finished Chapter 6.  This Chapter really hit home to me more than the others for 2 reasons:

  • It was part of the talk Renee gave at the RefresHER conference; and
  • Within 2 pages something jumped out at me and I knew then that THAT is where my hurt and my low self-esteem comes from and what I have felt all my life and fear more than anything

REJECTION

I have had a fear of rejection as long back as I can remember-even now I fight that fear.  And that fear has always had control over me and has always determined my moods, my happiness, my self-worth, my value – my everything!  It has determined every action I ever had!

Rejection – the act of rejection.  Reject:  1A~To refuse to accept, consider, to use.  2~Obsolete, to cast off.  3~Repulse.

To refuse to accept or consider – that pretty much sums it up.  I have always felt I wasn’t good enough to be accepted as I was for who I was.  I felt this way at 4 years old.  To cast off/repulse – yep that’s what I thought would happen if I didn’t live up to other people’s standards.

Rejection ~ As a little girl of 4-6 I felt I was a disappointment because I wasn’t a boy.  Even my nickname was a boy name.  Growing up my parents NEVER called me by my birth name.  I remember being insecure even at the age of 4.  I was very shy and clingy.  I was afraid of a lot of things.  I was afraid of the dark, storms, noises I couldn’t identify. I was afraid of screaming, yelling and crying.  I was afraid of making my dad mad or my mom cry.  I was afraid I wouldn’t be loved when the new baby came along.  I was afraid of being alone.

Rejection:  As a girl of 7-10 I felt in order to be liked, loved and accepted I had to do what others expected of me.  I wanted to be a girly girl ~ I loved princesses and everything girly girl (the more frilly the better) but my mom as so not a girly girl and neither was my little sister.  They liked climbing trees & monkey bars; they liked football & baseball; they didn’t cry when burning themselves getting off the Harley.  My sister she no fear of anything and rarely cried.  I was afraid of being hurt, afraid of heights, afraid of many things. 

My sister made people laugh and was the cute one.  I remember when my mom died several people told me “your sister was always the cute and fun one – you were always the pain in the a$$…so dang needy for attention.  You wanted attention so much you would throw up.”  I couldn’t tell them even then that I didn’t make myself throw up for attention….I threw up b/c I was always so unsure of myself and always wondering when the yelling would start that would lead to lots of yelling, walls being hit and my mom and dad hitting each other.

I wasn’t good at anything:  never picked for any teams at school, had no artistic talent – my dad was an exceptional artist. I wasn’t creative – wasn’t even allowed to help with the Christmas tree decorations. I wondered if I would grow up to be pretty like the girls in the “magazines” dad and his friends liked. 

Rejection:  Pre-teen years.  My parents divorced.  I was very shy, a misfit when it came to social situations, compared myself to everyone, realized I would never be pretty, was very jealous of my sister who was absolutely beautiful, fashionable and very social. Had two friends but always felt left out but I wanted to be liked and included so I allowed them to treat me horribly.  I was desperate to feel wanted, valued, included, important – I did whatever it took. And yet I was always excluded.  I turned into a perfectionist – I did whatever I could to feel less invisible.

My mom often told me I was loved – as a matter of fact I was told probably 100 times a day ever since I was little. But I still never felt that unless I was being praised and I found by being the “perfect” one I got praise and in my mind love.  It had a huge consequence – my sister and I became rivals and my sister grew to never like me.

Rejection:  Motherhood and Adulthood.  I have always felt inadequate as a wife and mother.  I have always believed my husband deserves a better wife ~ someone better, prettier, talented, socially skilled, someone who wasn’t abused…everything I am not.  I never would discipline my kids as much as I should for fear they would grow to hate me.  I looked to my possessions, my job, my kids, my husband to determine my value and worth.  I formed friendships that weren’t the best for me and made excuses for their treatment of me.  I bought lavish gifts for everyone so they would like me.  I compared myself to everyone!  I sought position and importance.  I was tired of being invisible.  I wanted to be somebody! and the more I tried the more worthless I felt.

And today?  I still feel invisible, not pretty enough, not good enough.  I still compare myself to others, I still want to be liked and included. I still let other people’s determine my value. I still want my friends to like me, need me and include me.  I still wish I was a better wife and mother.  I am still in my mind, a social misfit, I worry about what I say, how I look and needing that pat on the back and yes at times attention. 

So how am I any better?  I am not – I AM  a mess, but today I am God’s beautiful mess.  When I think about ME those are my thoughts and don’t get me wrong I have some of them each and everyday but b/c of God’s love, mercy and grace I don’t allow ALL of those to control me each and everyday.  And when the majority of them do — then I know as I discovered 2 weekends ago it’s because I have put myself and my wants before God.  It’s a reminder to stop and get my priorities in order. 

For several weeks now I have felt overwhelmed, resentful, alone, lost and invisible.  2 weeks ago God spoke to my heart loud and clear:  I was focusing on ME.  I quit looking to Him for my value, my worth, my importance.  I was looking at the world for those things and the more I chased after th world’s approval the more distraught and unhappy I became.  the weekend of the RefresHER I had a favorite verse come to me in different ways 33 times in 3 days!  And some things Renee spoke about were things in my heart that I told no one! And then Leah’s testimony on the conference call spoke to me as if it was God on the phone – just the two of us.

Rejection is a powerful thing and I now have a word for what I have feared all my life.  but my story doesn’t end with Rejection.  Why?  Because I have a more powerful word to replace rejection — my REDEEMER!!!  And my Redeemer tells me:

‘I know the plans I have for you’ declares the LORD ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future’ ~ Jeremiah 29:11

8 years ago this was the first verse I ever memorized and it’s one I will turn to all the time. It will replace my current life verse as of today.

Oh, and guess what?  I have always been a princess, I have been His Princess!!!!

A Confident Heart ~ Week 3, Day 2

Tuesday (10/4) Answer questions 1 – 4, or so I am guessing.  Melissa is a bit behind but I won’t be around too much tomorrow so need to get mine posted now.

  1. What is the craziest thing you have ever done for love?
    1. Not sure it’s too crazy but I tried to make myself into someone I wasn’t.  Buying clothes I didn’t like but felt like I had to buy those clothes, wearing tons of makeup, tried to earn love.
  2. Think about your desire to find a relationship, a job, a calling, or someone else that would satisfy the longings of your heart.  Like Sam and Renee, have you ever looked to something or someone to fill or fulfill you?  Describe how that might have shaped the pattern of your thoughts, decisions and pursuits.
    1. My whole life I have look to things and people to fill me, do make me feel loved, secure, valued….
    2. I couldn’t make any decisions for fear of making the wrong choice, upsetting or disappointing someone.  I didn’t think I could function without them.  I took their viewpoints as my own because I was afraid of hurting their feeling and because I assumed if I didn’t think like them than my own viewpoints were wrong, silly or stupid.  I felt lost, afraid and lonely when that person wasn’t around.  I never attempted anything in the way of hobbies or interests.  I stayed to “safe” pursuits like reading, although I did love to read thanks to my mom, but I always read the same things she liked to read – I never found my own interest until I was in my late 20’s.  I never told anyone of my deep hopes and dreams and over time I lost all of those. 
  3. Are your closet, your schedule, your mind, and your life full?  How about your heart?  Are there empty places that you need and want to trust God to fill?  If so, list them:
    1. My schedule isn’t as full as my closet and mind only b/c I don’t have the energy to do most things I want to do.
    2. My closet is filled but all with stuff I rarely if ever wear and I need to take time to clean it out.
    3. My mind is so full, too full it won’t shut off and I am often very forgetful b/c of it.  I get irritable and I am soooo tired all the time b/c it just never shuts off!
    4. My heart is better, back in May it was completely empty but not so much now. 
    5. I am trusting God to fill:  my heart with love and confidence in Him – no matter the circumstances, deeper relationship with Him, decluttering my heart, mind and life.
  4. “The origin of the word worship comes from blending two words to form “worth-ship”.  when we worship something or someone, we give them great worth in our lives and oftentimes we find our worth in them.  Where are you most tempted to find your worth?  In what area is it hardest to let God define you – and not the world’s standards?
    1. My husband, my children, my friends, my accomplishments, my job and myself.  Ironically those are also the things that can make me feel the most worthless too when I give too much worship to them.

This week’s Scripture:

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!  People take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.  ~ Psalm 36:7