#SayWhat

Today is Blog Hop day over at Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies! I am writing about a time specific time God spoke to me and I had a “say what” moment.

My life has been full of searching for someone or something to fill a void I have had most of my life. I have searched for acceptance, valued and loved. As a child and a teenager, I didn’t feel accepted, valued or loved by my family. Now that I am older I know they did loved me – very much so – they just couldn’t love me in the way I needed.

I married and had children very young so that I would feel loved. What a surprise to me that marrying and having children didn’t fill that void. I blamed my children, my husband, and the things that happened to me as a child. I was mad at everyone around me, especially God, for the life I felt I deserved and didn’t have. I wanted a life full of happiness, peace and love.  I didn’t want the life I had that was filled with conflict, anxiety and stress.

As I entered my thirties I realized I needed to bury my past and get over myself. I began to rebuild my relationship with my dad, I quit being so angry and I started accepting my life. I began to go to church regularly and read my Bible. For the first time ever in my life I was feeling a sense of peace.

And then my world was shattered at 32 years old when I lost my mom very suddenly and unexpectedly. I felt like an orphan, even my dad and I had reestablished our relationship. Less than 5 months later, on my mom’s birthday the relationship with my dad ended. I was drowning in the feelings of worthlessness, feeling unloved and angry. It was too painful to open up and getting hurt repeatedly. I came upon this Scripture:

”And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away…” ~Matthew 18:9

My life application study Bible notes said explained: We must remove stumbling blocks that cause us to sin. For the individual, any relationship, practice or activity that leads to sin should be stopped. “AHA – there it is right in the Bible. Any relationship – must be stopped.”

I asked my husband “does this means I can walk away, having nothing to do with my family ever again?” He looked at me with sadness and concern asking “why does it matter?” I replied “I don’t like the person I become when I am around my family.  I get resentful and bitter.  I don’t want to hope and then be disappointed.” He asked again “why does this matter so much now, you have been hurt and disappointed before. Why does it matter so much this time?” Tears were running down my face, there was an empty hole in my heart.

Finally I had the answer I was searching for my whole life. And without thinking I blurted it out:

”I want just once, just once in my life to know that I matter, that I am the most important person to someone. Just once I want someone to love me enough to fight for me, to stand up for me.”

As the tears ran down my face, I heard clearly, distinctly and lovingly…..

“I do Veronica and I did”

I knew instantly I heard the voice of Jesus! I understood what He whispered to me:  I did matter to Him, I was important enough, and He did fight for me.  All that love was shown on the Cross. That day changed my life – that was my #saywhat moment and the day I decided to say yes to follow Him.

Yes To God

Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study ~ “What Happens When Women Say to God” by Lysa TerKeurst

This weeks blog topic I choose was number 4. #yestoGod. Share a time you caught a “glimpse of eternity” as you said yes to what God was asking you to do.

I can totally relate to Lysa’s hesitation when God asked her to give her Bible away. I remember the day God asked me to give away something just as precious to me. As I was praying the Rosary for a dear friend who needed some serious prayers for her child, I had the sense God asking me to not just pray for her but to GIVE her my Rosary.

I argued with God saying “she’s not Catholic!” But the more I prayed for her the more I KNEW I was supposed to give it to her. So I finished praying, loving packaged the Rosary up to mail, all the while thinking “I have had this Rosary forever, it has been with me through every one of my son’s hospital stays; every prayer for my marriage, my children; it was a comfort to me as I grieved the death of my mom; every tear I cried over my son and the setbacks; it was a comfort to me during the times I prayed over the uncertain future of my son.”

I teared up as I handed it over the post office counter. Afterwards, I stopped into the Catholic store and bought me a new Rosary. Walking back to my office with my new Rosary in hand I thought “really God?” and then I heard a whisper “new Rosary – new chapter!” I paused to think about that and it was true, I was entering a new chapter. My son had not been hospitalized in over a year and even though he wasn’t able to live on his own, he had just moved into an independent living home and was doing remarkably well – all my prayers were being answered. As I thanked God for that, I heard another whisper “Your old Rosary was passed on to another mama who knows the heartaches and tears of an unknown future of her child.” I bowed my head in awe and thanked Him once again.

Who was I to argue with God and His plans? Whatever God says do, do it!

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

 

Freak Out Woman ~

Week 1 of Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study ~ Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst

“Look mom, we cleaned our room!” shouted my four year old son.  One look and I came unglued!  “HOW HARD IS IT TO PUT YOUR CARS IN THE CAR BUCKET? YOUR ARMY MEN IN THE ARMY BUCKET? YOUR SISTER’S DOLLS IN THE DOLL BUCKET? OH NO, INSTEAD THEY ARE ALL THROWN IN ONE BIG PILE!!!!”  Turning around I started in on my husband, “Thanks a lot!  I thought you were going to help me!  I should have done it myself in the first place!”

Mom of the year or decade I was NOT, the saddest part, I can’t even remember the looks on my children’s faces. I do remember my husband saying to me, “If you want perfection from a four and one year old, you will always be disappointed.  That makes me sad for you.”  OUCH!!!

Perfection was always expected of me.  I knew no other way.  I was raised with the expectation of perfection, “if you are going to do something, do it perfectly, there is NO other way!”  The motto in my family home.  I wanted to change that for my own home, I just didn’t know how.

Fast forward ten years later…

“Mom what can I do to help you?”  asked my daughter.  “Megan if you can’t see what needs to be done and then do it, don’t bother!  I swear I have to do everything around here.  You all enjoy family coming over while I have to make sure everything is done!”  I yell.  The next words my daughter says to me breaks my heart and makes me have a huge amount of respect for her (I wish I could have said something like that to my parents.)

“If Jesus’ birth means a perfectly cleaned house and yelling every year….I wish He hadn’t been born, it doesn’t make Christmas Eve fun.”  says my 11 year old daughter.  OUCH OUCH OUCH.

Right then I stopped what I was doing and I gained a new perspective. Never did I want my daughter or anyone else to remember Christmas or any other get together that way.  I decided to let my perfectionist tendencies go.

Has it been easy?  Uh, NO!  I have went from all or nothing attitude.  I have had a hard time finding a middle ground, however, holidays and family get celebrations are a lot more fun around here.  I haven’t yelled in years.  I don’t care which bucket things go in as long as they are picked up and my daughter loves celebrating Jesus’ birth all year long.
I would say that’s progress!

Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study is having their very first BLOG HOP ~ check it out!!!

It’s a Celebration and a Party

Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Studies is celebrating over 10,000 “likes” on Facebook!  We are so excited and blessed. Our team works hard to reach women where they are and provide them with the tools they need to have real hope for real life…all through the power of Jesus.

To celebrate on Facebook we are having two parties and six giveaways!  Yes, you read that right – SIX giveaways!  For more information about our parties, visit Melissa’s blog here. 

Now on to the other big news ~ our winners to be announced from yesterday.  One person will win an Unglued book along with a Participant’s Study Guide.  Another person will win a complete conference call series ~ Part 1 & Part 2.  The lucky winners:

Unglued & Participant’s Study Guide is……Faith Rausenberg

Conference Call Series is……Tanisha

Congratulations to both winners!! Faith please email your address and I will get your books out today.  Tanisha please email me your phone number so I can register you for the conference calls today, the first pre-study call begins Monday, August 20th. My email address is veronicaherzing@gmail.com

For those still anxious to win, remember we are partying with Melissa this week ~ SIX giveaways!!!!

Official Drawing Results

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To my wonderful guests, my Facebook Page has reached 100 Likes! Which means someone won the conference call series and our winner is Kendra Anderson Keller!! The next prize is at 200 Likes and you can help get us there by clicking the Like button at the right of your screen. Remember, the more you share my new Facebook Page, the faster I get to give away prizes!

Unglued…..Oh and A Giveaway!

Mark your calendars!

September 23, 2012 – that’s the day that the Melissa Taylor Online Bible Study of Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst begins!!! ; I know, I can’t wait either, it’s going to be soooo good!

For six weeks with Melissa Taylor, her Online Bible Studies Team and thousands of our closest girlfriends we will gather on Melissa’s blog to learn how to process our emotions and resolve conflicts that lead to a much more peaceful life. ; We will also learn how to:

• Know with confidence how to resolve conflict in your important relationships.
• Identify what type of reactor you are and how to significantly improve your communication.
• Respond with no regrets by managing your tendencies to stuff, explode, or react somewhere in between.
• Gain a deep sense of calm by responding to situations out of your control without acting out of control

I don’t know about you but I can use that in my work and home life! ; Read the first two chapters here for FREE!

Do you know what my most favorite part of the studies are? ; The conference calls! ; The calls are better than ever before, you don’t want to miss out on these:

• Part 1 Unglued Conference Calls: ; Beginning on August 20th, just seven days away, there will be four pre-study conference calls to get us prepared for the study! For $14.00 you get four calls live and the download! But wait, that’s not all (yep, just like the TV infomercials)
• Part 2 Unglued Conference Calls: ; Beginning on September 24th, the first of six conference calls will begin. ; Again, these calls are live and include a download that you get to keep! ; But wait, if you act now…..

Order both Part 1 and Part 2 now and get them both for $24.99 ~ the best value ever!!!! ; If you want to know who will be the guests on the conference calls, click here.

GIVEAWAY

Some lucky person will win a copy of Lysa TerKeurst’s new book Unglued along with the Unglued Participant’s Guide I will also select a winner for a complete conference call series – Part 1 & 2. Two winners and all you have to do is to be entered is follow the steps below:

1. Leave a comment below.
2. Visit Melissa Taylor and register for our next study starting September 23^rd.
3. Get MORE entries by sharing this blog post on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. {One extra entry for each}. Leave a comment below letting me know where you sharing.

UPDATE:  Winner will be announced at 6:00 am on Tuesday, August 14th.  Check back then!

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You can connect with Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Studies by visiting us on…

• Melissa’s Blog
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest

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To my wonderful guests, my Facebook Page has reached 100 Likes! Which means someone won the conference call series and our winner is Kendra Anderson Keller!! The next prize is at 200 Likes and you can help get us there by clicking the Like button at the right of your screen. Remember, the more you share my new Facebook Page, the faster I get to give away prizes!

Made to Crave ~ Chapter 5

Although today Melissa’s website is talking about chapter 6, I took a little bit longer on chapter 5.

How many times have I went through the honeymoon phase and believe “this time I will succeed, this time is different?” Too many times to count and something always throws me off.  So why will this time be different, because this time I am not doing it for the compliments, I am not doing it to feel better about myself through MY actions and I am not doing it to stand out and say look at what I HAVE accomplished.  Instead I am growing closer to God, relying on Him to be my everything and that’s why this time WILL be different.  I am not beginning another cycle – I am putting a stop to the cycle once and for all, letting God be my everything.

Every year of since I was 5 years old on Ash Wednesday through Holy Saturday I gave up something that means the world to me.  For those six weeks although I may miss my “forbidden” item I am able to give it up.  Why?  Because I knew there was a higher purpose, a sacrifice to show my dependence on God.  This is no different, it’s just a lifetime change instead of 6 weeks during Lent.

Looking back on all the “things” I have given up through the years tells me I have been practicing for this journey.  I have given up at one time or another:

• Sweets
• Soda
• Shopping
• Snacking in between meals
• Reading
• Distractions:  computer, games, facebook, etc.

During Lent I also add something to my daily life that brings me closer to God:

• Spending more time in prayer
• Time with family
• Giving more of my time and talents

Each time during Lent when the cravings for the forbidden item would come up I would offer a prayer “I am offering my wants up to You, Lord, I am lovingly sacrificing my wants to walk with You in a deeper way.”

Why I never put tow and two together before beats me but now that I realize I have been practicing for this moment in time gives me confidence. I am made for more, my God is bigger than any craving.

“I am offering my wants up to You, Lord!”

Made to Crave ~ Chapter 4

For this week’s schedule on Made to Carve, visit Melissa Taylor’s blog.

“I wonder how many bad choices and severe consequences could have been averted if that three word statement had been applied.”  page 41.  What is that three word statement?

Think It Over!

This statement jumped out at me.  As I read this statement I sat for a moment and looked back at all the times I had the feeling of my conscience telling me “walk away” and yet I never did. Instead I ate another sweet and sugary snack, I bought yet another thing that I didn’t need and I crawled into bed to forget the world.  I have spent a lot of my life fighting what I need to do and what I want to do.  Let me tell you it’s exhausting – I feel defeated before I even begin.

Why is it so hard?  This statement helped me to realize two things:  (1) I don’t usually stop and think over my actions, I allow my feelings to give into the temptation and (2) I don’t have an accountability partner.  Therefore, I once again let my feelings tell me it’s okay – just this once and I give into the temptation.  and of course the “next time” I already forgot all the other “just this once” times.

I am not living as 1 Peter 5:7-8 says “Be self-controlled and alert.”  I allow the moment to control me instead of preparing for the moment when temptation will strike.

I need people in my life who will hold me accountable in love, in prayer and remind me that God will be fighting the temptation if I just give it over to Him and do my part only.  I need people who are willing to say the things to me that I need to hear, not to sugar coat it for me.  I need people who will learn the worst about me but yet see the potential I have and encourage me to see it too!  I need people who won’t let me give up in a moment of desperation.

I need people who are willing to be tough (in a lovingly way) on me and when I try to make excuses, to ask me the question “are you being truthful to yourself and to God?”  Someone who won’t let me get away with excuses.  But yet people who will love me and cheer me on even when I fail.

I need accountability in my life!  How about you?

Made to Crave ~ Chapter 3

Oh the first page of Chapter 3 so got my attention!  I was just thinking on this the other day.  In order to overcome my bad habits I need to do more than wish, hope and pray.  I need to be actively doing my part!  Yes, God hears my prayers and will answer them but I still need to do my part. I put forth the effort!

I love how Lysa got my attention with this sentence “we want the results but have no desire to put in the work required.”  Where have I wanted results to magically and prayerfully appear but I have not be willing to put in the work:

• I want a clean and organized home
• I want to stop skipping meals
• I want to stop grabbing sweets
• I want to stop wasting time searching for lost items
• I want energy

So just as Lysa needed a plan, so do I.  I need to ignore the screams of putting things off, the screams of my bed calling me, the screams of my phone and escapes from life.  I need to replace those things screams with God’s Word, determination, discipline and accountability.

Just as Lysa’s food choices were sabotaging her life.  My skipping meals is sabotaging every area of my life – my body, my mental energy, my physical energy, my mood, my outlook and it opens the door for procrastination.

I have tried a million and one times to break these bad habit.  I have learned the million and one ways that don’t work for me!  Now I am going to learn what does work and overcome these bad habits.  On page 39 there are two big key points for me.  (1) I will need to make tough sacrifices, however, I don’t have to think of it as denying myself but as embracing healthy choices.  (2) The mental and spiritual lessons gained in this journey will be the very thing that will equip me for the long haul.

So what’s my plan?

• Protecting my “castle”
• Focusing on the LORD
• Doing the work that is required
• Having accountability

In order to have a plan though I need clear goals – what do I hope to change in my life as I go through this study:

• A healthy balance in between perfectionism and procrastination
• Not skipping meals, cooking supper at home most nights
• Getting rid of the clutter in my life – mentally and physically
• More energy – being more active
• Above all to crave God most of all

My goals and my plan are in writing – now the hard work begins and temptation will increase.  The only thing left – accountability.  Without this I know I will slip back into my old excuses, rationalizations and putting things off.  For my accountability is a huge thing!!!

 

Made to Crave Bible Study through Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study.

Made to Crave ~ Chapter 2

Made to Crave Chapter 2!!!  It’s not to late to sign up for Made to Crave through Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study, just click the link Melissa Taylor.

Another day begins.  I wake up and as usual I vow to do better and not to procrastinate.  Before I know it my “to-do” list weighs me down and I start giving in to the temptation to put it all off until another day.  All this before I even put one foot on the ground.  I realize I put off grocery shopping again.  That means no good for you food, that means no healthy breakfast or lunch.  That means I will grab what sugar filled item is close at hand and most likely skip lunch all together.So the cycle begins once again.  I glance at the clock, it’s only 4:15 am.  Already the excuses, the rationalizations, the promises for later have begun.

Lysa talks about how she craved and arranged her life around food.  For me I think about, crave and arrange my day around time away from all responsibilities, time where I can do what I want to do, where no needs me or demands anything from me.  I have been fighting this specific battle for 9 years.  I know how it started but haven’t been able to break the cycle.

How did I get here?  Nine years ago on 1/26/2003 (Superbowl Sunday – her favorite day of the whole year) my mom died very suddenly, she was 48 years old.  I instantly felt like an orphan even though I was 31, married and had 2 children in middle school.  I grieved so much that just waking up to another day without her was extremely difficult.  But instead of fighting through the grief and trying to heal I shut down – I used my grief as an excuse to withdraw.  And before I knew it one month turned into six months, 6 months turned into one year, one year turned into five years and five years turned into nine years.

When I read page 28, I KNEW God was telling me something.  “…it was about this battle that raged in my heart.  I knew it was something God was challenging me to surrender to His control.  Really surrender.  Surrender to the point where I’d make radical changes for the sake of my spiritual health perhaps even more than my physical health.”  I do not think it is coincidental that all this is coming to me in January, I think God has had this planned for me for some time…..I just finally got sick of living my life avoiding life.

When I am stressed, overwhelmed, sad, tired, happy, etc.  I turn to FB, texting and my escaping routine from the world.  It’s only much later that I think about turning to God.  My “alone time” is craved more than the effort required to fight the temptation.  I have lived so long believing the temptations and cravings had more power over me than God.  I chose the easy route instead of fighting through.  Instead of believing the TRUTH that:

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!

So it’s time to be honest with myself, no more excuses, no more doing this on my own.  So here finally I will take a deep look into my behaviors and my patterns.  Why do my daily responsibilities drain me so much?  Because I am a perfectionist!  Yes, I said earlier I procrastinated a lot but that is because of my perfectionism.  See if I can’t get a task done perfectly I put it off, until all my tasks pile up around me.

If I can’t clean the whole house and get it all done to my standards in a day, then I put it off.  If I can’t get the whole house organized perfectly in one day, I put it off.  If I don’t know what to cook for dinner, I put it off.  See the pattern?  It’s not wonder I am exhausted before I get out of bed.

So what is my craving I need to replace?  It’s not my tiredness or avoidance.  It’s replacing my perfectionism with God.  See the tiredness, avoidance tendencies and such aren’t separate issues, they are the same satan just found another weakness in my “castle.”  When my mom died I went from perfectionism to the opposite end.  I went from all to nothing.

So I give this area, every bit of it to the LORD.  I will use the temptation of perfectionism as a prompt for prayer, when I feel tired or overwhelmed I will ask the LORD to show me where I am being open to an attack. When I first wake up in the morning I will thank God for the day.  Then I will ask Him where He wants my focus to be.  When I begin to get the feeling of perfectionism I will pray that I do my best for God and remember my best isn’t measured by perfection ~ it’s measured by my heart’s willingness to seek Him and do His will!

Made to Crave ~ Chapter 1 Questions

Describe what your craving looks like and how it behaves?

It’s hard to describe except for it being a heavy weight pushing me down and coming over me – making me feel like I have no energy and that I can’t fight it.  An oppressive cloud that consumes and overtakes me.

As soon as I have a plan to overcome my procrastination and tiredness I feel the craving of putting all my plans off until another day.  I feel the urge to crawl into bed creeping over me.  Once I am off work, walking to my car the feeling seems to consume me.  By the time I walk in the door at home it’s easier to give in, crawl into bed ~shut out the world ~ instead of fighting the tiredness.  It’s easier to make excuses, hide and feel guilty.

How do you respond to the idea that God made us to crave (page 20)?  Have you ever pursued a craving – a longing, passion or desire – that made a positive contribution to your life?

I like the idea that God made us to crave – it means that cravings in of themselves aren’t bad and can have a good purpose.  It’s all in how we respond to cravings and if we can tell the difference between good and bad cravings.

Yes, the longing to feel loved and accepted for who I am.  That longing made me search out and find Hidden Joy Bible study, A Confident Heart Bible study and this Bible study.  That longing helped me grow closer to Jesus and to let go of the past, embrace the future and to live more than I ever have.

If it’s true that we are made to crave, how might it change the way you understand your cravings?  Do you believe there could be any benefits to listening to your cravings rather than trying to silence them?  If so, what might those benefits be?  If not, why?

I will look at my cravings and ask myself “does this bring glory to God or take me further away?”  If I give in to the cravings and need to make excuses or hide it from others than it’s obviously not a craving laid on my heart from God.

I believe listening to your cravings can be beneficial to a point.  Not giving in to them but listening and examining the cravings.  That way you can learn the warning signs, your vulnerabilities and triggers.  Each time you go to God and then defeat a bad craving you are strengthened and feel empowered to continue defeating those bad cravings.

The Bible describes three ways satan tries to lure us away from loving God:  cravings, lust of the eyes, and boasting (1 John 2:15-16)  Lysa explains how satan used these tactics with both Eve and Jesus (pages 22-23).  Using the list below, think back over the last twenty-four hours or the last few days to see if you recognize how you may have been tempted in similar ways:

Cravings:  meeting physical desires outside the will of God.  In what ways were you tempted by desires for things such as food, alcohol or drugs?

Tempted by sweets-cookies, candy, chocolate, etc.  I wake up in the middle of the night and must have something sweet or I can’t go back to sleep.

Sleep – it’s hard to describe but as soon as I wake up, I think about all the things I have to do, want to do and should do.  I get so very tired mentally that I start looking for a time when I can take a nap.  It’s like I make myself tired on purpose then schedule my day around my nap.

Nap time for me can consist of actually sleeping or wasting time on my phone, reading, crossword puzzles = basically avoidance from responsibilities that I don’t want to do.

Lust of the eyes:  meeting material desires outside the will of God.  In what ways were you tempted by desires for material things – clothing, financial portfolio, appliances, vacations, cosmetics, home décor, electronics, etc. ?

Wanting the newest electronic gadgets, wanting my house to be different – I focus on what my home lacks such as wanting a pricey new closet organizer and justifying it by saying it would make me less stressed.

Boasting:  meeting needs for significance outside the will of God.  In what ways were you tempted by desires to prop up your significance – perhaps by name dropping, exaggerating, feigning humility or other virtues, doing something just because you knew it would be observed by others, etc.

This was huge for me in the past.  I had a huge need to be significant in the eyes of others.  In the last 2 years God has been working on me in this area.  I am more aware of this now and can usually spot it when I am starting to fall into this trap.  I know I slip sometimes but I am quicker to notice it and go to God with it now.

Of the three kinds of temptations, which is the most difficult for you to resist?

Cravings are the hardest.  Although over the last two months I have slowly changed that.  Instead of drinking soda, tea, etc.  I allow myself one caffeinated coffee and one decaf coffee other than that it’s water only and now I don’t crave anything but water :0)